Friends these days

Friend:

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection orpersonal regard.

2.a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

Real friends are rare in this day and age, people only look at people as to what they can get out of that person. 

I think I can sadly say that I only have very small handful of true friends, I have many people who like to have fun and be there when all is fun and games.

Sad to say that if I died tomorrow a very small amount of people would notice because people let time go by . If people dont need something than why call your friends. And when something really serious happens thats when people flee hte scene, why hang around, To much reality to deal with. People want fun and material, fake. 

My parents keep stresssin to me, how I have nobody except them. And it hurts to hear them tell me that, but in reality the are right. My husband proved it,no ones gona stick around to see my life through. 

Friends are a rare word these days. I would go to the ends of the earth for people, make stupid cookies just because, take a millions buses just to see you for no reason, send a hand written letter. So many reasons, that dont involve wanting something in return except your friendship. 

That is rare these days, I feel stupid acting like that, but thats just the type of person I am. I could be doing a milllion things and still make a moment for you.

This isnt to any one person, its just a general fact.  

The scariest moment of my life, April 2011 Kentucky when I was in the hospital when all this sickness started again. I was paralyszed on my entire right side, and my neighbors so called friends just dropped me off and never checked back. There was one night I reallly wanted to kill myself. I was alone in this hospital, unable to speak or move, my parents and husband unknowing to where I was. That was the lowest moment of my life, alone unable to speak and I could have died there and no one would have known. To make it worse the nurses were so terriably rude and hurtful even more so cuz they knew I was alone and uncapeable to answer for myself, as they held me down, screaming with alll my might tears gushing ans they put a tube down my nose. The worse moment of my life. I seriously wanted to kill myself. What nice friends they were just left me, after I took care of all of their children like they were my own, and more. 

And then that moment when my husband saw me on lifesupport unable to communicate except for blinking my eyes, and he told my mother make her your problem now. 

People suck sometimes.

People dont know how to be friends.  Ya people are nice and all but theres a difference between a nice person and a friend. 

25

So my birthday is around the corner. I havnt written lately cuz life i kinda dull right now :P but dull is a good thing, cuz that means no complications. Have one person in donor process, hopefully they are a match :D

Burr

Burr Fall is officially here, been pouring rain like crazy, time to bering out the warmer clothes :P Dialysis days got changed, due to not enough people on the days I went. Got a few people in process for donor testing :).
Had  a doc appointment, finally decided to give me something to help me sleep, yay, and slept good last night with no problem.  Feeling icky this morning, urg Labetlol, I never know when its gonna make me feel icky. Most days it doesn't make me feel sick, other days im nauseous and vomiting all morning. :(
It willl wear off by the afternoon hopefully.

New day

So they moved my dialysis days :P even though i know all the nurses it still feels weird since majority of the patients are different.  Its more packed on the new days i go. More coughy germy people :X
Urg Im sleep already, but cant sleep because my blood pressure is to high so no reclining my chair for sleep time. Sittttin up right is not a comfy to take a nap. Seo sleepy the meds and the machine all makin me sleepy :P urg I cant even type I'm just urg tired. I fell so blah latley.Kinda down and just blah, spending too much time alone at home, sleeping the days away, while everyone forgets me.

6-8 years

So I had a few people who said they would test for donating, I'm not sure if anyone has called yet, the nurse cant tell me, for privacy reasons.Only the person can tell me whether they called or not......only one person told me so far and she been denyied by the doc for medical reasons. I really hope maybe more people will step up to be tested. Without willing people the wait list for a cadaver kidney is 6 to 8 years waiting list. And I duno if i could handle 6 to 8 more years of dialysis. 

The donor processs takes a while for testing so you cant like say I'll call tomorrow over and over. theres an interview, then blood work and it goes on step by step.You dont even have to live in my area, you could be miles away. And like I said even if people dont think they are NOT compatiable, the doctors are doin incrediable things to make transplnat happen for a many people as they can. 

Everyone is born with two kidneys but you only need one to function in daily life.  And nowdays this surgery is prefected the scar in tiny, the healing process is a week or so.  My mother and father cant be tested due to the fact that my mother already gave me one 11 years ago, and my father is a kidney recipient so he only has one. 

Im not tryin to seam like im begging or complaining. Im just trying to open peoples eyes. I just dont anyone in my household who can, so I have to ask else where. I dont want to be stuck on dialysis 3 days a week for hours gettin the energy sucked out of me, to clean my blood. I dont wanna sleep the days away, and lose more friends, because people dont wanna deal with someone who has this stuff in her life. I want to be able to go to job interviews and have people not turn me down because they are not sure we are a "compatiable match." I want to be able to eat my favorite foods without feeling like im going to vomit afterwards. 

People everyday in life tell themselves, I would donte, and put that dot on their license in case they dont make it out of a crash or something.

What if you could make a difference while your still alive? What if it was you goin through all this, what would you do? 

There are 112,283 people in the United State alone waiting for a kidney.

Somedays it feels hopless and down

Sunday Morning

Good Morning, its sunday, and I actually slept in today :) 7 am thats sleeping in :p. So last night was my last Saturday dialysis. They are changing my schdeule due to not enough patients on the same schedule as mine. Got my flu shot yesterday too.

So I have that chest cath for dialysis, seems like I'm the only patient in favor of that, many would rather have the arm fistula not me. eeks

Urg I have a lot of laundry sorting to do today, its really buggin my right now. Im gonna go and Ill talk laters :P