Sometimes I dont want to write because my head is filled with so many thoughts. So many things and people wont understand. I mean how many people in my life time have I met that have been through even half of what I have? ...not very many lol. People cannot begin to comprehend, my thoughts, or feelings. 
I always seem to have a constant fight going on in my head, fighting over whether I can keep up this perky act. Yes I am a very optimistic woman and full of positive energy and what not. But then there's a part of me is like why me? why again do I have to be my own heroin in my story? I mean I know there is some reason that this is all happening. I just wish it wasnt.I mean how much more can one person take, especially only just reaching her twenty sixth year of life.Kidney disease is really serious, I really do not think people understand how much your kidneys effect your life. Last week I had a little too many potato chips, and my potassium shot out the roof, I could have seriously dropped dead, from eating a potato chip! If I was to stop going to dialysis I would probably die withing the week. Thats how scary this is. I know I look great most the time and have a beautiful attitude, and shelter everyone from how sick I feel sometimes. So I guess people do not really realize whats really going on. I am not sure when it will all make a turn for the better,but somewhere in the future it is there. I just gotta keep trudging on. Picking myself up when I fall. Not sure where all these pieces connect in my life to make for a better..though I do know that all these "adventures" have made me more aware of what life really means.t. It's over a year now on dialysis and waiting for a kidney. And I am grateful to be alive. I wonder though when am I going to get that wonderful call? How much longer? I still have my chest cath, docs are surprised how long its lasted, and everyone keeps pushing to take it out and put a fistula in...I have been stalling that. Im hoping that transplant it around the corner and that there is no need to mess with my chest cath if there is nothing wrong with it.That potato chip incident last week was real bad...8.5 potassium, I decided to have a few potato chips havens had any all year..well had a few and few more and few more, and next could barely walk, nurse said I could have had a heart attack, and the dietitian said I could have dropped dead right there. So pray for me and pray I find a match, and not only for me pray everyone in there dying need gets what they need. 
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see Hebrews 11:1
