One More sleepless night.....

         As usual not sleepy.......this is really getting old. Course I guess it would help if I set a time for myself to take the Ambien haha. Im just not sleepy and I let time get away from me, and when I finally think to take the ambien its like 1 AM. What do I do with that time, lots of lame artsy things haha, and watch old movies.I'm a big James Dean fan. Hes the living end :p
So the move is pretty much settled, I love the new house way better than our old one. The dogs love it to. I turned my book shelf into a shoetopia <3
     Just because I'm sick and hardly go out like I used to does not mean I don't have to look totally cute :p. I don't need to look cute for anyone except me, I just happen to look xtra cute if I was seeing someone haha. Speaking of that so I decided to let myself be open to dating someone. Iv been kind of scared to do that because I am so afraid people wont be accepting of me with the chest cath and all the stuff going on. But I'm putting myself out there, I'm a one man kind of girl though, I can't do that dating many different people at the same time. I'v always been that way. I don't like to share haha. I mean I'm not saying rush things I just dont like to be overbooking, I mean how are you suppose to see if you have feelings for someone if you are seeing multiple different people? I'm really out of practice though so we will see how it goes lol. Like I said I'm just cautious because I don't want people leading me on, then they turn out to be over it all. I got me a new polka dot dress, one the cutest dresses I think own now. So maybe I'll look cute in it and be irresistible to someone haha........... There's this song I love,I like to think its like my theme song Fire Attire ~ "Attire on fire catches my eye, lights up the room like the sun in the sky.Burning me, killing me, now take me away from the light that I found. She is dressed to kill.Burning my eyes but I can't look away.The more I stare its the end of my days. She is dressed to kill. Brace yourself, shes dressed to kill. Iv got to get her, my hearts beating faster now. Shes dressed to kill. ...........haha I love that song. Some my friends from Bakersfield wrote that. I just want to give some that feeling when they look at me :)

I love me some polka dots :p

Haha see it just proves even more that Im just like any normal 25year old, I love looking cute, and always having my face did up, and I just want that one person who sees me for me and loves me for it. Even with all the crap going on. I look at it like a painting, I am the foreground, and all the stuff is the background. Once you see all the foreground has to offer in all its beauty then maybe the background looks ok,not so bad.I mean if I can deal with it, certainly someone else can watch me deal with it. I am woman hear me ROAR :p Now who doesn't want someone that determined hehe. Anywho I guess I better try and get some sleep.
Shall I leave you with a joke to end the night? hehe.....How do frogs die?????........................they Kermit suicide .....HAHA....hey I thought it was funny. :p

May God always be in your heart and may your spirit always be high.Let love fill your life, and joy fill your day. Let every moment in life be cherished and may you always have a hand to hold in tough times in life. Many prayers for me and for all. God bless and good night.

That Moment in Life

          There's always those moments in life when you wonder what the whole purpose was? Iv had so many horrible moments in life, that if I weren't the person I am I would probably want to just let go and give up. But in all those moments Iv had some wonderful beautiful moments too. And thats what you gotta do, just think about the beautiful moments; so that you can have more beautiful moments in your life. For every teary moment make a beautiful moment.
I'v had so many beautiful moments in life.

~Moments like looking at the beautiful Cliffs of Mohere, Ireland. Feeling the wind almost pushing you over the edge, and the sea below splashing. How many people can say they have experienced a moment like that?That's one those moments that I would relive over and over.



~Riding the London Eye, the tallest structure in London! Being able to see all of London through that glass. It stands 443 ft! When you press your hand on that glass to see all the sights, you feel an uncertainty for a minute as to how close your really want to get to the glass to see it all.

~Having high tea with my mom, and telling her all my stories of how it feels like the high tea from London. Sitting in a beautiful room, so prim and elegant. Drinking tea from beautiful china and amazing savory food.



~Coffee! that's always a beautiful moment. The minute you wake up and that aroma fills the house.As you put the cup to your lips you can feel the heat touching your face and your tongue gets that first lil bit and it reaches all the way to the pit of your stomach like a warm hug :p  

So many moments in life and if we dwell on the bad ones how will we be able to enjoy the wonderful ones? There might be times where your steps away from the edge,but you just gotta breathe look over the edge and step back. Tell yourself not today,tomorrow is always a new and beautiful day. 

~Like enjoying a former Storytold performance :p Those have been some beautiful moments. Listening to Loren sing amazingly, and the guys play awesomely (lol I don't think that's a word but I couldn't thing of any other way to describe it haha)The adrenaline rushes and your heart beats with excitement. Every lyric being lipsynced by you and everyone around you. Smiling with joy to every note and chord. :p

~What about when you make other people happy? Making laughter, a laughter so contagious they forget for a moment all that they are going through. Being able to share beautiful moments together.

~Being proud of yourself for your hard work :) and everyone else enjoying it, once again making others happy with your happiness. 

~Seeing your new puppy for the first time,and she sees you, and you both know you are meant for each other <3 

~Meeting someone new and that person makes you smile, even though your still unsure what to make of it all :p 



So many amazing moments in life and that is just a few I could name off the top of my head <3 There's so many more beautiful moments to come,I'm sure of it. So many more people I will encounter who will share a beautiful moment with me. 

That moment when I get the call about a kidney will be one the most beautiful, And its in my future somewhere. 

So to all of you with heavy feet and tired spirits, think of the beautiful moments in life.Let that be your strength, that you too have many beautiful moments ahead. <3

Turn Around

       So its been about two months now that my blood pressure  has been at a normal range. Things are looking pretty good,well in terms of that situation........still have the problem of no kidney yet, and still on four days a week of dialysis. But things could be worse.......... God has some plan, but Im really not sure what it is, and I dont know why he does such things to people sometimes.
           I was at McDonalds the other morning picking up some breakfast after dialysis and this homeless man stops me, he noticed my chest cath. He asked if I was on dialysis, I was a little uneasy, a random homeless person asking such information. I replied with a quick "yes" he tells me hes on dialysis too and that he has a chest cath. "Sucks doesn't it?" I was a little in shock at finding a random person with the same situation, non the less a homeless person. "Yes it does suck, I guess thats how life goes sometimes eh?" " Ya, God Bless" he replied and we went on our ways. 
Just goes to show someone could always have it worse than you. I could never imagine being homeless and have a failing kidney. I mean how do you keep that chest cath safe from harm? Of clean and sanitary? Life always surprises me.

 Cupcake biz is up and down.  The word of mouth process takes a lil time I guess. But the people that I have done jobs for have all loved what I have done. :) I think I'm becoming immune to cupcakes lol, I used to not be able to look at them without having one, now I just taste a piece to make sure I did not somehow screw up the recipe lol. I like baking and cooking but sometimes Im not even in the mood to eat haha. I just enjoy making and creating and having other people enjoy. 

Whats for fun these days? I'v kinda lost my "Mars attacks" fun side lol. Before my marriage and this recent health situation relapse  I used to hang out with lots of local band people, being the amateur photographer, just having fun being part of something. My friends of the former band Storytold just recently had a reunion show. Finally! lol I had been dreaming of that, like alot of people haha. As always they were amazing, and as usual they made their Lil Mars Bars feel special haha. I mean they made sure that I was going to be able to make it. Everyone as usual called to make sure I would have a way to get there and Loren (the lead singer) told me he has a ticket for me, haha sadly he told me to late cause I had already bought one, I was not going to miss that show. Anyway so I made the show obviously, even with me being a lil scared to be in the crowd of people with my chest cath. Heck I got up in the very front of the stage as usual, screamed my lungs out and totally had a great time, and had fellow fan friends guarding to make sure I would get bumped by some other crazy person haha. That was the most fun I had a long time since this relapse. 
           
                So I know I have not written in a really long time. Times gotten away from me, with having to recently move. Took forever to find a place that was not a scam. Plus there really has not been anything to say. I mean how many people want to hear about me going to Starbucks and dialysis over and over? haha Thankfully my health has not worsen so I have had nothing to report. As long as I stay positive and stay within my liquid restrictions and watch my diet I think I'll be okay for the time being. Lots of people have more problems because they do not follow the doctors orders. I look at people at dialysis and somehow they are in worse condition than what I saw them in a year ago. I guess people give up hope and just give in to temptations. 
I just keep telling myself its all for a reason and its all gonna get better. 

Just gotta rock on and be my crazy lil beautiful bubbly self :P