temporarily out of order

hey soo the fan in my laptop has stopped working. so i had to send it in for repairs. they said at most two weeks.soooo with the abscence of the laptop my blog will bloggin will be down temporarily. the search for kidney donor continues and dialysis is stable. im am as healthy nd happy as one can be in this situation.much love nd talk when i can

Hope

     I'm a bit of diva sometimes, I like to think of myself as a Princess, to the max :p To the point where I have my own lil tiara collection haha. Hey you know what ever gets me through the day, the more power to me. Everyone needs a lil spunk. Life is never what we expected and you just gotta roll with it. 
    Somedays its hard to deal with all this , I wake up and think, do I really have to go through this? Why is life so not what I imagined? Sometimes I wonder if I am just living in a nightmare, hoping to pinch myself and wake up. But then I rememeber this is real life, this is my reality. God has a reason for all that he does. And even with all this so much good has come out of it, Iv grown so much as a person. The tragedies of my life has made me more beautiful and stronger than I could ever imagined.  <3



       

Wonder...

You ever wonder about what you should have done? How could you have done something differently? Maybe wished you said something to some one?  Those were yesterday.....you cant dwell on yesterdays. Look ahead  and wonder what's in front of you. ...........

I used to do a lot of what if this? and what if that? It just ends up making you crazy and upset. 

Anyway, not much going on, pretty much same ol routine. Did hear from a dear fellow transplant buddy. Had not heard from him a long time. We met way back when my brother had his in 2003.  It was good to hear from him and be able to talk about whats going on, and not have to feel like I was boring him,and that he knew already what I was going through. Its good to have those connections with people who have or are going through the same stuff. You can never have too many support systems. :)  

Lol theres a lot going on in my head at the moment hahah. Blogging, and in the middle of working on my book. The thoughts are just pouring like crazy.Its like screaming in my head sometimes. Im sure I will write more later. My thoughts are just scattered all over like a collage, gotta sort the pieces :P

What Doesnt Kill You

      What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... My mom says I am too open with my condition, she says its not a bad thing just that not many people my age would be as open and okay with all that I have been dealt. And that I do agree with her on, I'v reached out to many others my age trying to help then overcome all that they have to face,because  it does suck sometimes.How else are other people going to gain hope and have a lil more insight than from someone who's been or going through it? Some people are able to keep that positive attitude almost all the time while others cant. So many bad things can happen in life, believe me I don't wish for anyone to ever feel the amount of pain I have, not even on my worst enemy. At the same time I cant dwell on it all, just gotta pick myself up and keep going. 
 I think part of my beauty is my strength,Iv gained alot of personality from it :P my sense of humor has grown and I'm a lil more outspoken then what I used to be haha. I mean don't put me to talk in front of a big  audience or anything lol, but non the less I tend to boss the hospital around and tell then how it is sometimes lol. Which is not a bad thing, especially when it comes to  your body and your health. Cuz you gotta let them know your a person, not a science experiment. 


That's how Iv survived all this, yes there's been those times Iv really just wanted it all to end. Moments where I just thought that dying would be better than feeling this pain. Somehow I had those moments standing on the edge ready to just fall cuz I'm so tired of holding on, and suddenly like a dove soaring that feeling of hope always comes back and tells me that things will be better soon and to just hold on a lil longer.

Tat my cousin got in honor of me :) he said on his pic caption
"To my awesome,
amazing, beautiful, strong, courage prima!!
 I love you so much!!
This dove symbolizes ur strength to keep soaring,
ur pure heart, ur hope and dreams,
 and the strength God gives you!!
 I will always carry ur strength with me prima!! Love you!! "

I want to be peoples' hope, give them inspiration from my life. 
On that note, so update on me blood pressure is still looking awesome that IV of Nitroglycerin I had in July must have worked some magic because that was the only thing different they did in the hospital. Still on five medications for blood pressure, but somedays I do not have to take them all. Donor status, I have had at least five more people step up to be tested and are in the process, so hopefully one of those is a match. Iv started a Facebook to help my search or rather my match to find me (https://www.facebook.com/needakidney.donor) add it and pass it on :)

Other than that just hanging around, do the dialysis thing ya know :p ? Drinking Starbucks, cuz thats like drinking heaven in a cup hahaha. I keep busy hanging with the people who still wanna hang around me :p That Storytold show a couple weeks got me remembering all the good times we had, lil Miss Mars is gonna have to start breaking out of her shell again soon haha. Thats another upside I guess of all this, I have always stayed pretty clean, I like to enjoy a few drinks now and then, and its ok to. But I have never ever gotten into any kind of drugs, not even tried. I just knew that I had so much more to live for and I did not need to make stupid choices like that.  Anyway this ramble has gone on far to long now haha, Its taken me all day to reword and write just the perfect words.  


I'll leave you with a quote from one my favorite book “Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold.” 

― S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders.  :P 

May your day be filled with hope and love, and you find the happiness in your day. 

The Starfish Thrower

What do you know about donating a kidney?

Did you know that the most common blood type on earth is O+?

Did you know that donating a kidney does not shorten your life if you simply take care of yourself?

Did you know that the waiting list for the most common blood type on earth, is also the longest?

Did you know that the remaining kidney will increase functioning capacity by as much as 35%?

They will tell you that there is no gain whatsoever to the donor.

This is not actually true. You gain the knowledge that you reached out to a fellow human being, and gave them a chance at a life. To have children. To marry. To love. To grow old.

There is an old story of a man walking down a beach covered in starfish. Literally millions upon millions of starfish are dying in the heat of the sun, as the tide retreats beneath them. 

Way off down the beach, he can see another man running up and down the beach, each time to the water, and then back. 


As he draws closer, he sees that the man is picking up every starfish he sees, and flinging it back into the ocean. Again and again he scoops up starfish, flinging them back into the sea. 

Finally abreast the man, he asks "What are you doing? You can't possibly save even the slightest fraction of all the starfish on the beach. Nothing you are doing means anything." 

The man stops for a moment, and looks down at the starfish in his hand. "It means something to this one."

Now here is what I want you to do. It is simple, and easy. 

BE THE MAN SAVING THE STARFISH.