What Doesnt Kill You

      What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... My mom says I am too open with my condition, she says its not a bad thing just that not many people my age would be as open and okay with all that I have been dealt. And that I do agree with her on, I'v reached out to many others my age trying to help then overcome all that they have to face,because  it does suck sometimes.How else are other people going to gain hope and have a lil more insight than from someone who's been or going through it? Some people are able to keep that positive attitude almost all the time while others cant. So many bad things can happen in life, believe me I don't wish for anyone to ever feel the amount of pain I have, not even on my worst enemy. At the same time I cant dwell on it all, just gotta pick myself up and keep going. 
 I think part of my beauty is my strength,Iv gained alot of personality from it :P my sense of humor has grown and I'm a lil more outspoken then what I used to be haha. I mean don't put me to talk in front of a big  audience or anything lol, but non the less I tend to boss the hospital around and tell then how it is sometimes lol. Which is not a bad thing, especially when it comes to  your body and your health. Cuz you gotta let them know your a person, not a science experiment. 


That's how Iv survived all this, yes there's been those times Iv really just wanted it all to end. Moments where I just thought that dying would be better than feeling this pain. Somehow I had those moments standing on the edge ready to just fall cuz I'm so tired of holding on, and suddenly like a dove soaring that feeling of hope always comes back and tells me that things will be better soon and to just hold on a lil longer.

Tat my cousin got in honor of me :) he said on his pic caption
"To my awesome,
amazing, beautiful, strong, courage prima!!
 I love you so much!!
This dove symbolizes ur strength to keep soaring,
ur pure heart, ur hope and dreams,
 and the strength God gives you!!
 I will always carry ur strength with me prima!! Love you!! "

I want to be peoples' hope, give them inspiration from my life. 
On that note, so update on me blood pressure is still looking awesome that IV of Nitroglycerin I had in July must have worked some magic because that was the only thing different they did in the hospital. Still on five medications for blood pressure, but somedays I do not have to take them all. Donor status, I have had at least five more people step up to be tested and are in the process, so hopefully one of those is a match. Iv started a Facebook to help my search or rather my match to find me (https://www.facebook.com/needakidney.donor) add it and pass it on :)

Other than that just hanging around, do the dialysis thing ya know :p ? Drinking Starbucks, cuz thats like drinking heaven in a cup hahaha. I keep busy hanging with the people who still wanna hang around me :p That Storytold show a couple weeks got me remembering all the good times we had, lil Miss Mars is gonna have to start breaking out of her shell again soon haha. Thats another upside I guess of all this, I have always stayed pretty clean, I like to enjoy a few drinks now and then, and its ok to. But I have never ever gotten into any kind of drugs, not even tried. I just knew that I had so much more to live for and I did not need to make stupid choices like that.  Anyway this ramble has gone on far to long now haha, Its taken me all day to reword and write just the perfect words.  


I'll leave you with a quote from one my favorite book “Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold.” 

― S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders.  :P 

May your day be filled with hope and love, and you find the happiness in your day.