Nearly Christmas

Christmas is just around the corner. forgive me for not writing often. I started out blogging so well :p but life just seem repetitive and pointless sometimes to write everyday, when everyday day seems like deja vu, get up and pop meds, check blood pressure, nap, awake, more meds, more blood pressure, more meds, maybe a lil stomach sickness or head ache, dialysis 3 times a week.....o wait thats changed, I go four times a week now.....so its a bit repetitive.......I think that would bore people if i wrote the same thing everyday...lol like that movie Groundhog Day. 
My blood pressure has  continued to stay elevated both the diastolic and systolic numbers. They think maybe I'm hiding fluid somewhere in my body....not sure where its hiding lol considering I'm only 80 lbs lol. So they started me going four times a week to dialysis to maybe pull of the extra fluid in hopes to help lower the blood pressure.


My pup finally flew from Kentucky a few weeks ago :D shes grown so much since I last saw here. I missed her so much.<3<3<3<3


One of my aunts is still in the running to be my donor, so I'm hopeful things work out, and soon.


My friend Jason moved away, and he didn't even say Goodbye .....yet another person showing their colors.....




I got all my Christmas shopping done, yay me :p course it was easy, I only shopped for mom,dad,brother and best friend, and two my lil cousins.


Well its getting late, time to snuggle into bed with the dogs and try and stay warm. 


Much love to all

My Apologies

Urg been a few months I know, sorry. Lifes been just one big question mark sitting on a iceberg. Had a birthday a few months ago, that was cool I survived another year :P My pup is still miles away, but soon, in the next weeks she will be reunited with me. Trying to get this blood pressure under control still, now up to five meds. And the dosages all upped. Stilll get sick from the lobatelol, hoping to be off that one soon, cause I cant take anymore of running to the toilet after consuming it.
No words on transplant yet, they are taking forever to do testing eeek!
Been  kinda lonely lately, friends kinda forgettin me, just because Im sick........
urg my head hurts...Im at dialysis........................ill talk later. nothin exciting anyway :P

Lemons

Sorry been very blah lately, no other way to put it, just happy I'm alive, but sad because majority of friends have deserted me, and It gets old being alone. Been sleeping way too much ,just cuz  theres nothing else to do. Celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago yay I made it another year lol. Was nice to have cake and coffee with mom and dad. Anyway, Ill write mote when I feel it. Sorry its been so long, there just nothing to report.

Friends these days

Friend:

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection orpersonal regard.

2.a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

Real friends are rare in this day and age, people only look at people as to what they can get out of that person. 

I think I can sadly say that I only have very small handful of true friends, I have many people who like to have fun and be there when all is fun and games.

Sad to say that if I died tomorrow a very small amount of people would notice because people let time go by . If people dont need something than why call your friends. And when something really serious happens thats when people flee hte scene, why hang around, To much reality to deal with. People want fun and material, fake. 

My parents keep stresssin to me, how I have nobody except them. And it hurts to hear them tell me that, but in reality the are right. My husband proved it,no ones gona stick around to see my life through. 

Friends are a rare word these days. I would go to the ends of the earth for people, make stupid cookies just because, take a millions buses just to see you for no reason, send a hand written letter. So many reasons, that dont involve wanting something in return except your friendship. 

That is rare these days, I feel stupid acting like that, but thats just the type of person I am. I could be doing a milllion things and still make a moment for you.

This isnt to any one person, its just a general fact.  

The scariest moment of my life, April 2011 Kentucky when I was in the hospital when all this sickness started again. I was paralyszed on my entire right side, and my neighbors so called friends just dropped me off and never checked back. There was one night I reallly wanted to kill myself. I was alone in this hospital, unable to speak or move, my parents and husband unknowing to where I was. That was the lowest moment of my life, alone unable to speak and I could have died there and no one would have known. To make it worse the nurses were so terriably rude and hurtful even more so cuz they knew I was alone and uncapeable to answer for myself, as they held me down, screaming with alll my might tears gushing ans they put a tube down my nose. The worse moment of my life. I seriously wanted to kill myself. What nice friends they were just left me, after I took care of all of their children like they were my own, and more. 

And then that moment when my husband saw me on lifesupport unable to communicate except for blinking my eyes, and he told my mother make her your problem now. 

People suck sometimes.

People dont know how to be friends.  Ya people are nice and all but theres a difference between a nice person and a friend. 

25

So my birthday is around the corner. I havnt written lately cuz life i kinda dull right now :P but dull is a good thing, cuz that means no complications. Have one person in donor process, hopefully they are a match :D

Burr

Burr Fall is officially here, been pouring rain like crazy, time to bering out the warmer clothes :P Dialysis days got changed, due to not enough people on the days I went. Got a few people in process for donor testing :).
Had  a doc appointment, finally decided to give me something to help me sleep, yay, and slept good last night with no problem.  Feeling icky this morning, urg Labetlol, I never know when its gonna make me feel icky. Most days it doesn't make me feel sick, other days im nauseous and vomiting all morning. :(
It willl wear off by the afternoon hopefully.

New day

So they moved my dialysis days :P even though i know all the nurses it still feels weird since majority of the patients are different.  Its more packed on the new days i go. More coughy germy people :X
Urg Im sleep already, but cant sleep because my blood pressure is to high so no reclining my chair for sleep time. Sittttin up right is not a comfy to take a nap. Seo sleepy the meds and the machine all makin me sleepy :P urg I cant even type I'm just urg tired. I fell so blah latley.Kinda down and just blah, spending too much time alone at home, sleeping the days away, while everyone forgets me.

6-8 years

So I had a few people who said they would test for donating, I'm not sure if anyone has called yet, the nurse cant tell me, for privacy reasons.Only the person can tell me whether they called or not......only one person told me so far and she been denyied by the doc for medical reasons. I really hope maybe more people will step up to be tested. Without willing people the wait list for a cadaver kidney is 6 to 8 years waiting list. And I duno if i could handle 6 to 8 more years of dialysis. 

The donor processs takes a while for testing so you cant like say I'll call tomorrow over and over. theres an interview, then blood work and it goes on step by step.You dont even have to live in my area, you could be miles away. And like I said even if people dont think they are NOT compatiable, the doctors are doin incrediable things to make transplnat happen for a many people as they can. 

Everyone is born with two kidneys but you only need one to function in daily life.  And nowdays this surgery is prefected the scar in tiny, the healing process is a week or so.  My mother and father cant be tested due to the fact that my mother already gave me one 11 years ago, and my father is a kidney recipient so he only has one. 

Im not tryin to seam like im begging or complaining. Im just trying to open peoples eyes. I just dont anyone in my household who can, so I have to ask else where. I dont want to be stuck on dialysis 3 days a week for hours gettin the energy sucked out of me, to clean my blood. I dont wanna sleep the days away, and lose more friends, because people dont wanna deal with someone who has this stuff in her life. I want to be able to go to job interviews and have people not turn me down because they are not sure we are a "compatiable match." I want to be able to eat my favorite foods without feeling like im going to vomit afterwards. 

People everyday in life tell themselves, I would donte, and put that dot on their license in case they dont make it out of a crash or something.

What if you could make a difference while your still alive? What if it was you goin through all this, what would you do? 

There are 112,283 people in the United State alone waiting for a kidney.

Somedays it feels hopless and down

Sunday Morning

Good Morning, its sunday, and I actually slept in today :) 7 am thats sleeping in :p. So last night was my last Saturday dialysis. They are changing my schdeule due to not enough patients on the same schedule as mine. Got my flu shot yesterday too.

So I have that chest cath for dialysis, seems like I'm the only patient in favor of that, many would rather have the arm fistula not me. eeks

Urg I have a lot of laundry sorting to do today, its really buggin my right now. Im gonna go and Ill talk laters :P

Ramble

So havent written in awhile. Reallly haven't had anything to say. Same ol thing everyday, most days. Gets really old fast. Get up take meds clean house, play with dogs, use computer more cleaning, some time cook, some dialysis, watch tv, more med. Thats most day o dont forget naps and insomnia :P lol thats most day. I like the simpleness and quiet most days. Most my  friends have busy lives so they arnt around too much, but most them check on me through phone and email. Im also tryin to stay as healthy as possible, because Im immune system is really low. So its easier for me to catch germs. I used to go to alot of local band shows, lot my friends are local band peoples, so I used to be out all hours hanging out at shows, and hanging out after with my friends, traveling as far as four hours to see them. I cant reallly do that right now, to crowded and full of germs. But I do out every once and awhile to dinner and the mall , coffee shops. Im just more cautious. Also my way to get around on my own is a lil more limited during the day, I dont drive and I dont have a car even if i did drive. LOL I know how to drive, Im just terrified of driving so I use the bus, taxi, train. and the bus system i know has tons of germs llol all the different people from all walks of life that take the bus, I cant even imagine the germs lol.

Urg I better go, Ill write more later tonight. its a dialysis night :P

Sleeping Beauty Overload:P

So I'v talked in the past about my insane insomnia, for instance like now lol its 3am. And I'm not even a wink tired AH! that's so annoying! And actually tonight is the first night in awhile that I have had trouble sleeping. I duno these last couple days have gone by like a dream. Iv been so tired during the day. And its not cause I'm not getting sleep. 
Its not like a sleepy tired, its just plain drained and weak tired. Iv been doing so well with dialysis and energy the past six months. These last couple days I cant even sit down without fallin asleep. LOL I don't even know Iv fallen asleep, and when I wake I don't know if its been two hours or 2 mins. And sometimes it it has been two hours haha. Part of it  I'm thinkable is the heat, these past few days we have had a lil bit of a heat wave, so heat plus sick person whos already petite and now under weight, maybe doesn't make a good combo? I duno that's just my guess.  And on top of that dialysis has been taking off more fluid than usual, not there is really anything to pull of but they are really stretching it. So I  feel like sleeping beauty stuck in a sleeping spell. :P Just gotta figure out what changed to trigger this sleeping spell. Like I said its not that I feel tired, well not at first. Just weak, but then as I take nap after nap through the day that makes me sleepier. Its only been that way the last 3 days or so, so hopefully my body will snap out of it.  


As for dialysis, like I said they are starting to tryin and pull more fluid. They are really tryin, I can tell, lol cause now I get cramps towards the end of treatment. Not major cramps but enough to bug me. And so I have a dialysis chest catheter for my treatment. Theres different types of ways to do treatment, the chest cath is usually for short term people who will eventually get a kidney. And then theres other things like arm fistulas that are more for long term, years of treatment. So the doc officially decided that I dont need an arm fistula. Thank God for that, I don't want one those, that scared me more than have tubes stick out of my chest. Theres quite a bit of people who say they would rather have the arm access, not me.  Ya chest cath makes it a lil difficult bathing, and thats one the biggest reasons say they dont like chest caths. Ya so you have to bath with the water right about at your belly button level. Wit the Catherine all bandaged up so it doesn't get wet, then upper half of the body that cant get wet I have to sponge bath, and lastly I wash my hair in the sink. Urg, ya its seems like an ordeal, and that because the catheter is connected directly to my heart. If bacteria was to get in the tubes and start growing that would be no good, direct line to my heart  hello thats no good.  So I don't mind, just as long as I dont have to get an arm fistula. If you have that you have to get needle pokes every dialysis treatment, And that is so not for me. Well sleeping beauty is going to attempt to rest. 
Good night and Good morning :P

A Midnight Ramble

Its ten minutes after midnight. So I'm feeling much better after a good amount of fluids through the day, and eating a full meal at dinner. Some days those blood pressure meds can kick my butt. Thankfully not very often. Any who, so hmm yes I mentioned Im on the list :), now I have family and friends who will hopefully call in and we can get this stuff going.

So very very exciting news, so my lil puppy that my husband and I had, I sadly had to leave her in Tennessee with some friends until I could find a way to fly her to California. How I miss my lil pup.Shes everything to me from TN/KY shes was prolly the best thing from my last two and half years. My husband and I searched and searched petfinder.com for a puppy for me as a companion, because he would be deploying very soon. Omg when I saw my lil Lily I just had to have her. My husband drove us almost 5 hours to go get her from a shelter. It was meant to be, because the minute I opened that shelter door she came running into my arms. her and I we so strongly bonded. The last two years she has been with my almost 24-7.

When I got sick, that week or so in the hospital had been the longest her and I had been apart. And I was devastated that having to leave to California, would mean that I couldn't be with her. And I tried to bring her on the plane with me, but she was too big :( 

But I promised my Lily that I would not forget her and bring her home to me when I could get the money to. Finally that time has come.

Its like a mother apart from her baby, lol. Hey don't laugh. Shes not just a dog shes a part of my family. And a gift from God, because without her, I would prolly have had a lonely life alone. I cant wait to snuggle and give you lots of lil doggie kisses. <3

Life has topsy turvied a millions times over and over. It hurts to think about the life Iv lead. It makes me cry to think about a person dyin on life support, alone so scared and unknowing if anyone knew she was hurt. She thought she would die in that bed and not get to see her loved ones ever again. It hurts to think about someone being in that situations, it makes me cry even at this moment, to imagine someone being like that, all her neighborhood friends dropped her at the hospital and didn't care to see if she lived through the night. You know I;m very positive about my life, and all Iv been through really doesnt bother me. But then when I think about it as just a person, it breaks my heart. It doesn't bother me that I have to deal with all these challenges in life. 

I just get scared, thinking about that woman dying in that bed. And no one cared enough to stick around, except her mother who flew miles to see her. This woman's own husband, couldn't even stand by her, even after a vow of death do us part. So it scares me to think, will I ever find someone whose not blood, who really will ever take anything near that vows to heart.  People are not as strong as me, and you know I probably will never meet someone who is. But I know God is gonna challenge me on that :P Hes gona put someone so strong in my path, that I wont be able to break away. I just don't believe God yet lol. 

People ask how can I be okay with a person I vowed my love and life to, leaving me at the moment I needed him the most. Well, if he left me to die, then why do I want him in my life anyway.  I dont. I survived. And he was to much of  a coward to endure this journey. I dont have time to wonder why, all I know is that non of it was my fault, and I am not to blame. That I had a life to fight for. And my health to worry about and no time to wonder why he couldn't be everything he was suppose to be. Im a beautiful woman inside and out. Maybe a mess lol, but a beautiful one haha. And he wasn't man enough to stick by. So I guess I got to work extra hard from now on to weed out the men from the boys. Have to bring out tests of ultimate strength, Million questionnaire tests, lie detectors, set the dogs on them LOL :P If your gonnna stick with me be prepared to be unprepared lol. I warn people, but guess people dont believe me. 

To me all this makes me stronger, thats a beautiful quality in me I think. Without all these life experiences, I do not know what type of person I would be, well Id probably be a person who takes life for granted, and lack self esteem. Im beautiful because of all of this, every scar and bruise has a story to remember and tell. <3

Sick day

Feeling siick today.
One the blood pressure meds labetalol. Its a tricky med,have to eat with it, but never can tell if you hafeve to eat right after you eat it or right before, cuz sometimes even when I eat I still get sick. Like today ate a whole bowl of cereal, and still ended up running to the bathroom puking my guts out. :( Gave me a headache and stomach had been uneasy feelin all day. So taking it easy alll day.

Its been awhile

Hello, wow I have not written in a few days, sorry bout that, Iv been really tired, and no energy for much of anything on top of drama, thats off and on. But thats life ya know :P
Anywho, So inbetween my sleepyness, then I did have energy I used all that energy to the last drop lol. I finally went and saw the last Harry Potter movie with my folks, omg was the best of all the movies, emotional but wonderfully made movie. We had dinner at Red Lobster yum, thought out my meal and liquid with a lil cheating and smart choice thinking. For instance dark sodas like Coke and stuff are the bad choice, Sprite or ice teas kinda drinks are better. So I had an ice tea, with shrimp and lobster tail. YUM I finished every last bite. You'd have thought I hadn't eaten for days haha.
And just a note, I have had a few people tell me my blog portrays lies, because I can not be that happy or confident with myself and my situation. Well truth is, yes I do have my down moments, but I do not let them run my life. I take all the negatives and change them into a positive. I tell life how it is, and go on. Urg Im fallin asleep at hte keyboard haha. Thats a sign to stop lol.
Dialysis tomorro. O!O!O quick note Friday the nurse called I am officially now on the transplant list :D\
ok Im tired, nite nite

I made it through today

I have not really had any inspiring thoughts or exciting moments to talk about lately :P Fact is life is what it is, you can either except what life had faced you with with a positive outlook or not. Either way you will have to face it. Its your own choice how you perceive it, and how you look at it might actually improve your situation or not.
I do not know how many times the doctors have told my family she is not going to live, and I always pull through and shock the doctors.And yes partly it has to do with the medical team and their hope that a certain treatment or drug revive me. But I think my will to beat all odd and my positive attitude helped me overcome death.
You would never know by looking at me that 5 months ago I was on life support and the docs there had lil hope.
Feeling sorry for myself is not goin to do any good for me, if your emotionally unhealthy, that effects you physically.  You have to think "hey today was a good day, cant wait to see what tomorrow brings. "  Girls put on your lip-gloss and feel cute even in sweats and flip flops :P
You gotta think happy thoughts, cuz if you live everyday feeling sorry and hating things, your gonna look back and see all those day of wallowing you could have been living life.

Im 24 and have two major life conditions, one which is genetic and I have a sibling who could be my identical twin in terms of medical issues but hes three years younger, and I watched him go through his journeys after me. I watched my father fight cancer, and win. All these life challenges within my home, and we all fought the odds, because we live with positive attitudes as sense of humor and lots of love, in addition to the wonderful medial team who stood by us through life.

Hope you have a beautiful day where ever you are <3

‎"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" 
-Audrey Hepburn

Food for thought :P

So I saw this cartoon and thought it was funny. Gotta have a sense of humor about life's situations. Renal diet does suck indeed, but you dont have to be strict, IF you are someone who has self control. If you have selfcontrol there is always room for a lil cheating. :) If you really want that milkshake, have it, but have it on dialysis day :) enjoy a lil of your fav foods is ok, just dont go overboard.
If I didnt cheat a little I think I would starve, with moderation and the phosphorus binders, and dialysis things should be A-ok :P

Chair Time

So here I am sittin in dialysis, thankfully Im only set for 2.5 hours. Got  wi-fi and my laptop, and dads sitting here with me. So time goes fast. So last few days whats been up. hmm. So Thursday I had a kidney doc appt, she adjusted my blood pressure meds a bit cause my blood pressure is still running high. Its gotten as high as 170 on the top number..no bueno. Thats stroke level. So doc upped the meds a bit, and my phosphorus was high in my last lab, eatin a lil too much dairy my bad :(.  So high phosphorus in renal failure paitients is bad, the kidneys cannot remove phosphorus very well. High phosphorus levels can cause damage to your body. Extra phosphorus causes body changes that pull calcium out of your bones, making them weak. High phosphorus and calcium levels also lead to dangerous calcium deposits in blood vessels, lungs, eyes, and heart. So mine was a little on the high side this last lab check so the doc put me on phosphate binders the  medicine will help control the amount of phosphorus your body absorbs from the foods you eat.  So that should help keep my phosphorus levels in check. So that was that, and then run and grab so fast food, cheat the diet a lil :P, and hurry off to dialysis. So just hung with mom for a Thursday night of dialsysis. And my wonderful friend Jason, came to dialysis in the last 15min or so, and then he and I scurried off to hang out by then it was like 9, so yea day was already pretty long, but dialysis cant tire me out :P. We hurried of to do a bunch of nothing, it was just nice to hang out with a friend doing a bunch of nothing watchin lame late night tv. 
I definitely knocked out that night cuz I hadnt napped all day haha. I usually nap 45 around lunchtime. Friday was a sleep in day, and quiet calm boring day, nothing out of hte ordinary the blood pressure is still getting under control but they just changed the meds so cant expect it to change over night. Nothing else much on Friday....now Friday night....was one those insomnia nights urg! Seriously it came 5:30 a.m and the Rocky my dog was ready to wake up and go outside. I finally dozed off on the couch this morning at around 7-9a.m lol. So Im running on no sleep but doin pretty goood :P I guess I'm just that happy and full of sunshine that it never lets me sleep :P jk.  
And so now here I am once again the famous chair, all this writing, now i'v got an hour and half left to go.  So I duno how many people read my blog, I feel like Im writing to space haha. So if ur read lemme know :P 


Its so dark outside and its only 7:40 at night. Gave  myself a manicure earlier, and sittin here listentin to some Katy Perry.  Feeling really good, not tired or sick, good job dialysis :). I'm not even really retaining fluid, well not enough to pulll it off. Least not today. But my pee output has gotten less and less. I know sound weird doest it? No peeing! Well the kidneys regulate ur fluid and make you pee and take all the toxins out of your body. So no kidney workin, no pee or very little. especially since I'm on dialysis, that i guess confuses the body, cuz dialysis takes the place of the kidney, so slowly as I stay on dialysis weeks and months, the kidney doesnt produce urine, but I still feel the urge to pee, but nothin, now that sucks :(. 


Hmm not much else to say at the moment, just love yourself, and others will love you, and if they dont, you dont need them. Life is extraordinary and you got way more in your path to dwell on negative things. 


God must have so bigger reason why he has done these things to me. He makes me stronger. <33




"I'm beautiful in my own way, God makes no mistakes" - Lady Gaga

Shortly :P

Sorry for not posting lately, been a lil crazy, but Ill be writing tonight in dialysis, so stay tuned :p

Friend Test

So not much going on today, took a nice hour morning nap lol. That usually happens, if I take some the morning blood pressure meds, that's ok bout a 45 min nap then I'm refreshed an ready to get back to my day...lol not that I have much to do in my day. On the hunt for a job atm, and cleaning house before the folks come home from work, that's the only way I can pitch in right now.
Anyhow so friends............we all think we have a good amount of friends right? You go out and party with them and go to dinners, and have lots of fun in big groups, and they are all ready to call or hang out when its time to party. Right?  Well the true friend test comes when something serious happens.

Such as say waiting for a new kidney, and being on dialysis. You really learn who loves YOU, and who loves the fun persona you carry.
The texting stops, the phone calls quit. Its really superficial, and I'm not saying everyone is like that. But quite a big number, and  even people you didn't think would be like that would surprise you. People get scared. Scared to see their friend go through such an ordeal that they never imagined to see them in, and would rather pretend they don't exist until they are better. Or maybe they get the hee-bee-gee-bees from seeing needles and blood.  I mean look at my husband, he knew two years ago about all my medical conditions, and that anything can happen. Guess he didnt believe me, accused me lying to him. And said he couldn't handle all I turned out to be about, course he didnt say it that nicely but non the less, he wasn't strong enough or man enough to go through this with me.
People handle sudden crisis like these in different ways. And like I said you learn who cares about you enough to be there for you, or pick up the phone every so often and check on them.
Its human nature to be scared for people you care about, but to run from it when they cant is just coward.
Or the people who blame and get mad at you for getting sick, well geeez how was I to know this would happen. Sorryy! get over yourself!
I've learned to deal with peoples reactions to my life, I'm not sayin I live sick all the time LOL, just that I've learned not be surprised what life throws at you.
People have walked away all time throughout my life, surprising what fear makes people do. I remember the last time i went through transplant, 13 years old a freshman in high school and i called my so called best friend to tell her what was goin on, she said "let me call you right back".....lol uhhh still havent gotten that phone call, lol. At 13 that hurts a young girl. Now being 24, I understand more that people have different ways of reacting, and you stick with the ones who stay by you through everything, and cant dwell on the ones who left you.
And I have that, my numerous amount of family that stick by me. And my very close best friend, shes like my sister. Shes prolly laughing at me right now if shes reading this, because I'm the mushy writer and shes not :P. We have been friends for 12 years, and not even kidding we have bee there through everything for each other. We both are kidney transplants, both transplanted at the same hospital, who happen to go to the same school in the same grade! I mean how more kismet could it have been lol.
Slowly other friends will maybe get over their phobias or feelings.And I'll meet a man, not a boy whose strong and can stand by me through EVERYTHING life throws.

I love myself and if people cant love me as an entirety tragedies included, then they can shove off. I'm too vibrant and alive even with dialysis, and a failing kidney. Iv got so much love and happiness to give that i cant dwell on the people who only dwell on my illness. My illness is only a chapter of my life.
So if you love my friendship dont leave me <3
But if you do its your losss :P

Sunshine & Happiness to all <3 until laters

What a way to make someone depressed if you never were :P

So woke up at 6a.m as usually for blood pressure reading. And the magic number this morning was 140/100  blood pressure reading, getting high better take some labetalol, yuck thats the nastiest medicine I take right now, makes my  stomach icky, and I taste it all the way up to nose and it make me sneeze like crazy ug, but its one the ones that sees to bring it down. 140/100 is actually not that high for me, its beeen up in the 180s bleh. I check my blood pressure usually every two hours. Its noon now sitting eatin some lunch and listenin to my beloved My Chemical Romance, O how I love you Gerard Way hahah.
Blood pressure is now at 126/90.

So yesterday I had my big evaluation with the social worker, the doctor and the transplant nurse. The social worker came in with this list of lame questions, first general  who do you live with, are you married, children, medical history stuff. Then asks if we could talk in private since I had brought my mother with me. And so i was like I really don't care, whatever, I have nothing to hide. But the social worker insisted we speak alone. As soon as she led my mom out her first question was "is anyone forcing you to go through transplant process?"  i kinda laughed and told her "no" and then she asked "why do you want this?" I told her because I dont wanna be stuck on dialysis forever, thats no way to live. I got alot in life to do, then sit and sleep my life away in a dialysis chair." She kinda sat their stunned, and smiled "Iv never had a such a confident response before"  I laughed again "Iv been through transplant once before, I'm ready, so lets just do it ."
All the social workers questions were so negative, you would think she was sent in there to make me depressed. "Are you sad or upset because your on dialysis, and  your husband left you." lol geez lady, If I wasn't as confident am, I would have killed myself right there LOL.
So that was the social worker,. she just  wanted to make sure I wasn't a mental risk I guess, but still she was so negative couldn't ask questions in better way? I mean I get that she the social worker and she just doing her job. Making sure I'm emotionally stable to pursue this, but I respectfully think they could ask their questions in more positive nature.
Next came in the doctor, hes my docotor so hes awesome, and he thought the visit was pointless anyway haha cause he knows I'm ready, and because I have all those potential donors. So he just asked how I was feeling, I told him excellent I ran a four mile race two weeks ago." hahaha omg the look on his face was like uhhhh wtf, hahah  Then he did his little check up, and then the nurse came in, showed me way if I didn't have a donor. I was like i got 7 people who wanna be tested and maybe still more."  That was that, she sent me for more lab work and I was on my way. With the rest of my day :) Next week they alll gather and go over how they all felt about me, and decide if I'm a good candidate for the Transplant list. I got this I know it :PS


I might write more tonight, who knows. Its a dialysis night, so two and half hours to kill with mom. Love and LOTS of happy thoughts to all. Have a great rest of the day


"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" 
— Audrey Hepburn