So here I am been four months now since I have been on hemo-dialysis. Back to waiting, back to sleeping time away, back to almost feeling helpless, back to testing people of their true friendship and love. …
Ah love the big factor of every conflict no matter what the problem started out as, love is always takes part in a problem. So just a quick fact two years ago I got married to the suppose man (I used that word loosely and youll find out why in a lil bit.) Anyhow, he’s a military man, who I respected for that and I loved truly for all he was, I am from CA, and he had been placed in KY. We were for the most part happily married, so I leave everyone to believe minus for this moment…
Until recently, April 2011, I was living at our house on post taking care of our beautiful 1 year old pup, as well as temporality had custody of 3 military children whose parents were both deployed military, while my husband was deployed. April was one month until my husband was supposed to return home, so exciting in happy way. Well one week in April the storms were so bad in our home location on base, three nights of tornado warnings and hiding in bathtubs with 3 children and 3 dogs. I thought that was the worst of my week loll. Well one I took the children to school, came home went on as usual about my normal day cleaning and talked on the phone with my friend. Then I went to go call my dog in…..and half my face was paralyzed…..Panic set it...I text my friend to come over ASAP and take me to the ER on base. She drove me and was half playing around about the situation and kind of in a panic, cuz when I went to check in at the ER I could barley slur out my name at the front desk. We got me checked in they did all sort of scans and x-ray. I informed them by writing about my kidney transplant and my other condition of hydrocephalus and VP shunt. So automatically I became the priority of the ER. So the docs in the ER were not sure what was wrong and decided to send me to another outside base hospital. My friend in the mean time was trying to get my husband informed in Afghanistan. They put me on an ambulance, and then my journey was on my own because my friends went home to care for the children I had been caring for., she said her and our other friends would be by later in shifts to check in. So I get transported to this other hospital. And still half my face was paralyzed and unable to make sentences and all alone. They get some of my blood work back, which reveals my potassium levels are high. If potassium levels are high that can lead your body to go into Hyperkalemia (cardiac arrest). So to help to bring the levels down the nurse wanted me to drink a think grainy drink. I’ve had this in the past when I was younger so I was willing to drink it down….only problem was half my face mouth included was not be cooperative. Every time I attempted to drink it just spilled out of my mouth. The nurse came in PO off because she thought I was doing it intentionally…and threatened that if I didn’t drink it she would but a tube in my nose. So that panicked me, because I didn’t want that.
The more I panicked to attempt to drink it, the more it spilled out of the corner of my mouth. So she was pissed, and another nurse ccame in to hold me down and she forced it down my nose. That was THE SCARIEST MOMENT of my life I was screaming and screaming tears rolling down my face as these two nurses are forcing the tube down my nose. At that point I just wanted to die in a hole with this thing in my nose; I could feel it all the way down to my stomach. And this nurse just sat their pumping the medication. I think I finally got so tired from screaming and crying that I fell asleep. I don’t really remember that night clearly, it felt like a blurry nightmare. Laying their half my face paralyzing with a tube in my nose, just lying their in a dim hospital room all by myself. Prolly the lowest moment of my life. A nice gentleman nurse came In saw the agony on my face and brought in a TV remote for the TV in the room and tried to help ease my hurt a little. The noise helped for a little bit, helped me to sleep again,…for a bit….then I woke up thinking I’m here all alone, and I couldn’t even call my Mom to tell her what was going on, and I didn’t even know if my husband was on his way yet. So then I started freaking out again, crying then hyperventilating because I had the tube in my throat. A new nurse came in and tried to calm me down, and all I could do was just sob. And I really don’t remember what happen after that, I remember I begged the nurse to take the nose tube out and she did. The next morning my friends from the neighborhood came to check on me, said my husband was in route, and that they let the children’s parents know, and their father was in route too. They stayed for a bit, and then I was taken away for a kidney biopsy. I don’t really remember anything in correct order after that for the next day. I remember still not being able to speak and lay watching the Royal wedding on TV. I remember being transferred again to another hospital. And then I guess I was out again cuz the next thing I remember was waking up my hands and feet tied in restraints to the bed, and a breathing tube down my throat, and this face I saw next to me, I knew her. It was my mother. Somehow she was there, and I hoped I wasn’t dreaming. I couldn’t talk but only touch her hand with my fingers. I was in and out of it for awhile seeing glimpses of faces and mumbles of words. My in-laws came, then finally I saw my husband’s face, I was so happy to have him and my mother there, first time they had all been in the room since our elope was now announced. The doctors spoke with mom and husband in private and I guess s the doc said my kidney was failing; yes my 11 years transplant one.
So since the doctors in Stanford Hospital, California, mom and my husband agreed that it would be best once I was stable for me to fly to California for better treatment. Then come back to Kentucky when all the problems were resolved. So I lay there still unable to breathe on my own do to paralyzed parts. My husband went to our home to make sure our dog was ok, since she was with neighbors. He was going to help get us a flight to California. Slowly but surely I was having a recovery, No more paralyzed. Abe to speak with a slur but full sentences. And finally the tube was removed and I could breathe on my own, by then it was five days my mother had been with me, and my husband? Nowhere, no phone calls. Said he was cleaning the house and taking care the dog for when I got home. Finally time came to leave and mom and I had no way to get to my house on base. Thankfully some lovely older Blue Star Moms came to our aid and helped get us to the house to pack a little suitcase and help us get to the airport. I said goodbye to my husband for a time being and said I love you and hugs and left all my things for a “visit” to Cali.
The next morning the ladies took us to the airport, we had planned to travel with my puppy Lily. But when we got to the check in where we get her on flight kennel she wouldn’t fit. L I was barely able to move at this point, my body all swollen with fluid and joint in pain. Arms in pain from the numerous needle pokes. So sadly I had to leave Lily. But thankfully the nice ladies were so wonderful enough to care for her until I could find a way for her to come home to me. SO mom and I flew all the way to Cali, I slept most the plane rides. And we came through the gates at the Cali airport and there was dad and my brother waiting, two more people I had not seen in two years J
Barley able to walk or see I just lay around, and waited two days later we had an appointment with the Stanford doctors.
And so their verdict was definite that my kidney was failing, but that they were still puzzled how two weeks ago I looked like death with a 15 Creatinine and I was sitting in front of them with w Creatinine of 6. So they thought they would just see how much of a recovery I could make and just watch closely. A few weeks later my potassium got deathly high again, so I was in the hospital for a week. This time I was feeling fine might I add, even on the edge of a so called stroke. SO I was able to drink that sandy thick drink with no problem. In that week they concluded that I was going to have to go on hemo- dialysis to help keep all the toxins and things intact. So they put the port in and that day I began dialysis. Bled to death for 5 hours since the port was no securely in my chest and the surgeon was not able to come fix it until 5 hours later….any who went home…..got my dialysis schedule. 3 times a week 2.5 hours.
My energy was actually getting better and upbeat, I was able to hang out with one of my wonderful friends Jason J and my best friend in the whole entire world Justine. Justine is a transplant just like me as well as my fellow high school mate so we were meant to b friends for life: P
Anyhow so once again here I am now. Living life. Doin the dialysis thing and living with it until I get a kidney transplant.
*O yes husband….so he saw me in the worst state possible and after I arrived in California he decided that he could not deal with this illness ordeal, even though he fully knew this could happen. He wrote me an email saying it was over and he would be filing for divorce….yes that right. Ok let’s give a woman already with high blood pressure and kidney disease reasons for high blood pressure.
Well I sobbed for a week, and then I woke up one day and realized WTF is his problem. That how could you leave someone to die that you loved so deeply. Just tell her over an email. Pshhhh he can eff off then I’m beautiful and way to awesome for him. And I don’t need any negative people in my life. Especially right now with my health, only positive thoughts J
OK so yes I think, I finally caught up to NOW LOL.
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